nalgenie
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« Reply #30 on: October 02, 2009, 09:38:46 PM » |
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that was so sick but so funny  |
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Money talks...and mine says goodbye!
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lipstick_xoxos
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« Reply #31 on: October 02, 2009, 11:38:47 PM » |
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Sick sometimes can be sooooooooo fun!!!!!
Lips
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“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us”
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lipstick_xoxos
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« Reply #32 on: October 04, 2009, 09:28:50 AM » |
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PMM this one is for you.....
Years ago, the chaplain of the football team of the Chicago Bears was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an un-sportsman-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents."
"Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for Da Bears lad to be doin'" the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat.
"That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents."
"Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark.
"There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the in a sensitive area."
"Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?"
"Detroit Lions."
"Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys."
Lips
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“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us”
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PMM2008
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« Reply #33 on: October 04, 2009, 10:13:53 AM » |
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Lips is getting nervous. She is attempting to upset me with these ill attempts at jokes. She knows LIONS have a great chance to win. She knows miracles in overtime happen. She knows "It aint over till it's over." She knows the Chicago Bears aint all that!!!!
Right now, as I write this she is realizing she has to watch chat for me tomorrow while I lounge around in my pajamas.
Oh this is fun....
PMM
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~ Loyalty means nothing unless it has at its heart the absolute principle of self-sacrifice. ~
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medtrans
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« Reply #34 on: October 04, 2009, 10:40:19 AM » |
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Yup the game is on TV at noon and I shall be watching. Watch chat if the Lions win? Seems to me you should have gone for more PMM. Maybe a massage thrown in while she watches chat? The Lions have gotta be in high gear after winning last week. Hopefully they will make it two in a row.
medtrans
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I love this forum.
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PMM2008
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« Reply #35 on: October 04, 2009, 11:05:42 AM » |
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Your right Medtrans. Lions are going to be hungry and will show no mercy to those Bears. What to do with my time off from chat. I am still trying to decide.  PMM |
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~ Loyalty means nothing unless it has at its heart the absolute principle of self-sacrifice. ~
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lipstick_xoxos
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« Reply #36 on: October 08, 2009, 02:45:50 PM » |
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What is your IQ?
... Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers "241."
"That is wonderful!," says Albert. "We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!"
Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?" To which the lady answers, "144."
"That is great!," responds Albert. "We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!"
Albert goes to another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "51."
Albert responds, "How 'bout them Green Bay Packers?"
Lips
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medtrans
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« Reply #37 on: October 08, 2009, 02:48:23 PM » |
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Yeah and after further review da bears still suck.
(Can you tell I am out of jokes?)
medtrans
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I love this forum.
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lipstick_xoxos
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« Reply #38 on: October 08, 2009, 03:00:18 PM » |
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Hey Med,
Get to crackin at that bar........and tell them customers there is a chick in Chicago putting down The Packers.........and you need some good jokes!!!!
Lips
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“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us”
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lipstick_xoxos
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« Reply #39 on: October 18, 2009, 11:08:33 AM » |
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Tonster this one is for you this week!!
In a school just outside Pittsburgh, a first grade teacher Explained to her class that she is a Steelers Fan. She asked her students to raise their hands if they are Steelers fans too. Not really knowing what a Steelers fan is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands all fly into the air with one exception.
A little boy named Timmy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks him why he has decided to be different. "Because I am not a Steelers fan." says Timmy.
The teacher asks "Then what are you?" Timmy says "I am a proud Cleveland Browns fan!" The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Timmy why he is a Browns fan. "Well, my Mom and Dad are Browns fans so I'm a Browns fan, too." Timmy responds.
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot? Timmy smiled and said, "Then I'd be a Steelers fan."
Lips
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“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us”
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Tony Trader
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« Reply #40 on: October 18, 2009, 11:14:23 AM » |
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Thanks lips i needed that. Because in about 4 hours i will be crying in my beer as Pittsburgh will be beating the living daylights out of my Browns.
Tony
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lipstick_xoxos
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« Reply #41 on: October 28, 2009, 11:08:38 PM » |
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Hey Tonster,
See ya on Sunday!!!!
The Cleveland Browns have laid off 15 people in the past two days. Luckily they're all defensive players so no one should even notice.
lmaoooooooooo!!!
Lips
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lipstick_xoxos
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« Reply #42 on: January 06, 2010, 01:09:19 PM » |
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ANIMAL SUPER BOWL
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"
"I did," said the centipede.
"Who stopped the rhino?"
"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.
"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"
"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.
"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.
"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."
Lips
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“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us”
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lipstick_xoxos
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« Reply #43 on: January 06, 2010, 01:11:13 PM » |
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SUPER BOWL MADNESS
A local bean farmer was blessed with a wonderful crop this fall. In fact he had so many beans, he needed to unload them somehow. With all the hoopla about the upcoming Super Bowl, he decided that would be a good venue to reach more people. With this in mind he went to the local TV station to speak with the advertising manager.
The farmer said, "I would like to purchase a minute or two during the Super Bowl to advertise my wonderful beans. I have such a bountiful crop of beans of all kinds; pinto beans, lima beans, navy beans, red beans . . ."
The sales manager said, "Ok, Ok, I get the message. And what would you be able to pay for this amount of prime advertising time?"
The farmer scratched his beard, looked off, then said, very solemnly, "I'd be willing to go as high as $300 to reach those folks."
"$300?" the manager yelled, "You must be out of your mind!!! The current sponsors pay through the nose to get the exposure of the Super Bowl! For example, the makers of Kotex pay MILLIONS of dollars to reach the audience!"
The farmer very evenly replied, "I'm sure that's right. But those people are out for blood. I'm just farting around."
Lips
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“If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us”
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lipstick_xoxos
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« Reply #44 on: January 12, 2010, 11:26:46 PM » |
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One day, at a the race track while eating hotdogs, a man suddenly called out, "My son's choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!"
A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's gonads, and squeezed. Out popped the quarter.
The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened." Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?" " No," replied the man. "I work for the IRS."
Lips
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