What WAS this?

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Last post made 11 years ago by Cat50
Imagin.ation
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  • I know that we've talked about online relationships and things that happen, do they work or not, what to expect and not.. but this just blows my mind, maybe i'm foolish or whatever, but this really hurt me..

    I met a guy online, i'm making a long story short and getting to the point of it all, anyway for months we'd talk for hours about anything and everything, we had a hell of alot in common, really had a good time and enjoyed him emensly, even got to the point where i depended on speaking with him when i got home from work, sometimes i wouldn't even go out just to stay home and talk with him, he was in intelligent, im talking encyclopedia intelligent, he was decent, respectful, kind, understanding, caring, alot of fun, extremely humorous, we talked about his family and the goings on.. he would send me alot of pictures of himself and videos too, i didn.t doubt this man, and gained alot of trust in him.. Well one day he started talking about his "personailty" explaining that he had one that was very strong, i'm thinking what am i missing, at the same time he sends me a nude provacative photo.. puts me in this uncomfortable spot of trying to get out the right words to comment, i finally say.."nice" but thats not what i really want to say..im beside myself thinking omg i hope this guy isn't some kind of weirdo, then think well whats so weird about a nude photo,then thought i didn't ask for it and this never came up in our conversations..then it comes out of him,he wanted some nude provacative photos of me, he elaborated on his personailty explaining is his smart tactful intelligent words that, women to him are nothing more then a piece of something to get his rocks off, if they can't provide that they are useless... i declined and he "deleted" me. Maybe it's so remote..but i wanted to cry.. i felt so bad..it hurt me..i mean we really laughed and cried together about things,complimented each other.. it felt very genuine in alot of the aspects of this relationship.. All those months wasted into a man that wasn't who he said and acted to be.. a man i really liked and was interested in even wanting to meet.. and who i thought was interested and liked me, who i thought about meeting and made plans.. actually cared about, but realizing he worked on finding out the kind of man i like.. made himself into someone or something i was looking for in a man, then tried to trap me in to this...

    Whats your comments and opinions on this?

  • Even though you feel betrayed and that you wasted time, be thankful you saw his true colors before you wasted more time, or, met him in person.  Sounds like he could turn out to be dangerous or at the very least, a lech.

    Your description reminded me a bit of a child molestor.  One who gains the trust of somebody before doing horrible things.

    Hang in there... a guy who deserves you will come around. smiley

    PS:  There are good and bad people on the internet.  Some are true and kind and others hide behind a computer screen and put on a facade, just like in 'real life'.  I'm leary of internet meetings but I know they can be successful.  Don't let this jerk keep you from trusting others, just be on the alert of signs.

  • I think they call it "grooming".  You were groomed Imagin.  So sorry but he had a plan from the start - to get nude pics of you.  That much is clear from the fact that he deleted you when you wouldn't comply.  Everything that had gone before was bs.

    I'm so sorry - it sounds as though you are really hurting a lot.  You will get over it and then you will wonder how you could have been so conned of your emotions.

    B******!

    blue

  • Sorry that you were hurt by this weirdo Imagin. The one thing that is strange to me is that he would bother carrying on conversations and sharing information with you for months. He could go online and meet someone willing to send nude pics and God knows what else in minutes. Why would he waste months trying to get pics from someone. He must enjoy the game of making women trust him and then pulling some bs. He is sick and I'm glad you never met him. What a loser with nothing better to do. You don't give it another thought gurl.

    By the way, was the picture of his "bidness" small?

  • So sorry to hear that Imagin... unfortuantely it is more probable to meet a weirdo that a normal guy. Hang in there, someone truly nice will certainly come around.

  • I have to agree. You got out of what could have been a VERY bad situation. I have never trusted online "Friends" and since I don't deal with FB, I don't have alot of problems. But for some people, it is a lifeline to the outside world and in some cases, helpful.

  • :(  Sorry that you were hurt




  • By the way, was the picture of his "bidness" small?


    Omg froggy you crack me up trying to put some humor in it all. He prolly was very small!

    On a serious note for you my dear imagin i can tell by your written words that you are a heart broken. All i can say is thank God you got out before you hooked up with this idiot.

    What i don't understand is out of no where he showed a completely different side of his personality. Do you think it was a way to maybe break it off because he himself was getting to serious and wanted to push you away?

    You talked to him for months and it was not like it was a one night stand type of situation. If that is all he really wanted why would he wait so long to come out with it. More than the pic i think what is worse is how he degraded women as a whole. It seems like a deliberate attempt to push you away. If he was really just looking for a piece of you know what wouldn't he have been more debonair about it when he sent the pic?

    Lips
  • Sorry about that Imagin, I can understand that it hurts. But I agree with Gabby, its good that he showed his real face before you could become even more involved in the relationship.

  • Imagin,I'm sorry you are going thru this.What a terrible thing for him to do.
    The photo is one thing but the fact that you liked and trusted him is the real kick in the heart!! sad

  • I think what took him so long is MAYBE he did care for me, and also he knew i'm conservative in nature, and my thoughts exactly why was this so sudden, he just sprung it on me,but i do beleive he meant it because he sent the nudes of himself, possibly he got tired of his sharade..and just as soon as i declined to send nudes, he was gone..i beleive he does have some girls he dates, maybe it's an ego thing or something.. i dont know.. I do feel bad, kind of like in the end of it all thats all i was good for, or me being me just wasn't good enough? But then again i think.. maybe he thought i thought he was'nt good enough for me.. still he put himself in that possition..


    p.s. lol froggy...it wasn't a hum dinger... lmao

  • Imagin - he was grooming you.  This is what they do and that is how they do it.  They get your trust which can take months of being the nicest guy to talk to, the most understanding person in the world and the person you turn to if you have any troubles.

    Never say you weren't good enough - you are far better than him by a very long way.  You didn't ask for those pics and the fact that he deleted you because you wouldn't send him nude pics of yourself just goes to show what his ultimate goal was.

    It makes me wonder how many girls/women have sent him pics of themselves.  What does he do with them?  Put them in a magazine or on a website.... 

    He did you a favour by deleting you.

    blue

  • You're right blue and everyone, my feeings about sending nude photos to anyone over the internet is just... no, they could end up in places like a website or in the hands of some predator. I beleive anything sexual or intimate between two people should be live and in color, but in the days i used to hang out in Yahoo chat, there were girls by the dozens that didn't give a dern giving out nude photos even display themselves on cam, they didn't have to be manipulated, most were very young too. Why couldn't he of just went in to Yahoo chat and found someone that did this so easlily, rather than sha'rade himself so galantly and hurt someone with innocent intentions.

    I know that porn is addicting, could it be he's not getting his fix and now he is after others that he forms a relationship with?

  • Chalk it up to a learning experience.  The internet can be a brutual place.  You arent alone with what happened to you but u have come out of it in 1 piece.  Imagine having a really close online friend for around 9 years where u share everything with each other on the phone and instant messages then one day u get a call and the person says she has to go into hospice then u find out she died 2 days later at the age of 42.  Its been 8 months now and I still miss Chrissy everyday.


  • I know that porn is addicting, could it be he's not getting his fix and now he is after others that he forms a relationship with?


    You could well be right.  Looking at nude pics of women he knew nothing about probably got a tad boring for him so he wanted someone who is not so freely showing off their body.

    I think you had yourself a lucky escape. 

    This "episode" does not mean that there aren't some really decent men out there on the internet for you to chat to and at least you will be on your guard from now on.

    blue
  • Of course u know this sending of nude pics goes both ways.  3 weeks ago one night my cell phone beeped so I received a text.  It was a picture of a pierced boob but no phone number attached to the text.  I just shook my head and deleted it.  The next day I received an email from my long time pogo friend Donna giving me all sorts of chit about not replying to her text. I emailed her back I didnt receive any text from her.  Well, guess whos boob it was.  Well, Donna thinks its so blasted funny to continue to send me pics of all her private body parts since i told her to stop it.  No, i wasnt using reverse psychology on her.  It made me realize why Donna got kicked out of my cyber life for 2 years. 

  • That's sad Gunny.

    If you don't want to receive the pics - can you not block her phone number on your phone?

    blue

  • Blue she is a funny and nice friend.  Its just her way of her thinking shes messing with my head.  In other words she has a wierd sense of humor.


  • Blue she is a funny and nice friend.  Its just her way of her thinking shes messing with my head.  In other words she has a wierd sense of humor.


    Ah right - and is it working?

    blue
  • I know what i said about nude photos and to set it straight..I dont think sending nude pictures is completely out of it, im sure theres certain circumstances, like maybe husband away from home missing his wife or a long time relationship, it's kinky and freaky and probably fun, but to send photos and then demand you send one carrying out consequences if you don't is just undecent..and thats the lightest word for it i could think of lol.. i still feel hurt and confused by it, like i got punished.. can't understand his intentions all along because i'm sure theres probably some woman that do it so easily..

    these photos were i'll say it like this, there were no shadows, his bidness was all up in the street like unmistakable sunshine  dizzy



  • these photos were i'll say it like this, there were no shadows, his bidness was all up in the street like unmistakable sunshine  dizzy


    lmaooooooooooooo bidness is just so darn fun to say laugh_out_loud
  • Lmmmmao Froggy... i know, i think i was teaching Blue about the word.. "bidness"


  • Lmmmmao Froggy... i know, i think i was teaching Blue about the word.. "bidness"


    LOL laugh_out_loud

    I have never and will never forget about that time Imagin.  You made me howl and it still makes me chuckle even now when I think about it.

    blue
  • I have been off the forum for a while so I just caught up with this thread from beginning to end... and I agree with what has been said already, but one thing came to my mind that was not mentioned...

    You spent months talking to him and shared many things... he talked of his family and goings on and I would imagine that you shared similar things with him... so, my worry for you is that in all of that time sharing, is there anything that was said that would make him able to find you in person? You mentioned thinking of meeting him, so not sure what kind of physical distance there may be between you...

    I don't know what his trip could be, but he has some major issues in the sexuality department and that he could find you in any way makes me worry for you imagin! Please think about that and make sure that you are safe!

    katt

  • Thank you Katt for your concern, i was careful about my address or absolute whereabouts, he does have my phone number thats the only thing i worry about  but so far nothings happened, got some weird calls i never answered, but who knows if it was him.. and i agree he's got some kind of hang up...

  • That is good to hear. It puts me a bit more at ease for you. Keep being careful!

    katt

  • Please tell us your phone is unlisted.  A person can pay online places to use reverse phone number.  This is where u enter the phone number and u can get all the info u want on that person.  Also, if a person has another persons email address the same thing can be done.  I had a major problem with a person in pogo and had this person's email address.  I paid $18 do an online company entered the email address and I found where the person lived, employment background and a few other things.  I didnt use the info for anything else.  I am not telling u to scare u i am just opening your eyes to any little info over the months u gave him.  Lastly, hi Katt, I hope u r doing well.

  • Hey gunnylab! I am ok, hope you are the same!

    Your advice to imagin is right on. With my former work with private investigators one of my main functions was finding people... people with real reasons to hide and not want to be found... The internet is a gold mine for doing that job... even without paying someone for the information.

    A good reminder for all of us that the internet is not private!

    katt

  • Imagin.ation,

    I'm very sorry that you were hurt by this individual.

    My conclusion with respect to on-line dating is that it is, literally, a waste of time.  My opinion on the matter is that: if you meet someone on-line and you have a number of conversations with them which go very well, then you may decide you're going to meet them in person.  Alternatively, you can simply just go out and meet people in person!

    That's the thing about the Internet, it slows down the entire relationship-forming process because there is a length of time that is devoted to reaching a point where, in person, the relationship-forming process first begins!  You have to put people through a certain vetting process on-line to determine whether or not you want to meet them in person when you meet people in person (or could) every day of your life!

    The other problem with the Internet, thatyou experienced, is that it opens up the door to predatorial acts.  The people who will commit such acts are relegated to doing so via the Internet because they cannot accomplish their vile intentions when they start off in face-to-face relationships.  On some occasions, they give off too weird a, "Vibe," a vibe which you would certainly have picked up from this guy, in person.  In other cases, even a live interpersonal relationship starts off well-enough, but they then find it difficult to control their impulses for a long enough period of time to gain trust.

    The advantage the Internet gives such people, whether you call it, "Working," or, "Grooming," a person, is that they can do so with multiple people at the same time, sometimes literally.  The advantages of this are that it is easier for such people to control their impulses, and just like pulling a slot machine handle for a jackpot, the more pulls you make, the greater chance you have to get lucky.  Imagine if he has similar dealings with five, ten, maybe even fifteen women at a time...eventually one of them will capitulate.

    My advice is to always limit your trust of people you meet on-line, and keep the relationship-building process, in terms of romance, as organic as possible.  I do not mean to be melodramatic, but it may be that you simply avoided meeting a strange guy in person...or you may have narrowly avoided the missing persons report.

    You can never be too careful.  Take care of yourself.

    Respectfully Yours,
    Mission146

  • Gunny and Katt, yes it is unlisted.. i do beleive he is very experienced at this and could possibly fnd out where i am, but he is in another country and i think he has other females more easily accessed, so i have that advantage, but all things said.. its hard to keep it out the mind.. i keep my guard up though and i stay leary of anything that seem strange around my house... so far everythings been okay, thank you both so much for all your concern and informative responses.. alot of things i didn't think about

    Mission148... thank you for that information and response, much to put to mind about online dating.. i know theres both downfalls and advantages, and some can be the most powerful relationship you have ever had in your life, some can be fun and games, some are just plain kooks out there, of course hiding behind a computer it's your choice to let the animal out the cage,or simply be the kitty katt purr.. 

    the hardest part for me is to realize after all this time and all things said and done that either he is who he said he all was but has this hang-up a bout women.. or he lied about everything he did and is just a kook looking for some scoop online.. a thought i had..if sending the nude pictures to his wife or girlfriend would of given him wooos and aaahhs, sending them to me with his comment had me offended and spooked... i just don' get it one single bit...im almost possitive he knew better  so i wonder why..

  • I can imagine this is a really difficult time now for you Imagin.  You can't get this guy out of your head because you can't understand what happened.

    Just try and remember that he had a plan from the start.  The plan was to send you pics of his bits and for you to reciprocate with pics of yourself and who knows what after that.

    He tricked you Imagin and if you can remember that every time you think about this bloke, you will hopefully be able to deal with it a little easier.

    I hope you can put this part of your life away soon and move forward.

    blue

  • im sorry this happened to you i am wary now about the online thing,maybe i will take my bosses son up on a date (hes 22 lol)jk

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