I have a friend who has a man that is utterly .... grrrr i can't even say it.. i'm so mad either way..

I'm gonna straight out say it.. he cheats on her, lies to her, treats her very badly, puts her down and calls her names, (she is VERY beautiful and smart though it may not seem like it) also is distant from his own child they have together and was recently caught trying to hit on a 16 yr old who IS a "non blood related cousin but is a cousin" family member.. he is 26 she is 22.. he has this control over her that is like she's hypnotized or brainwashed, she says she loves him and won't leave him, the minute we try and mention getting out of that relationship she clams up... he has this way of making things right when he does wrong (sweet talk, flowers, gifts and other stuff). She says when is is good he is really good and when he is bad he is really bad, she says that his good outweighs his bad, but when he does it she's misable and it NEVER fails to happen and each worse then the last. He has had 2 other females that have his children (these women seem retarded or something) no brains (maybe had brains before him and he destroyed them). I'm so worried this is gonna happen to her. She ALWAYS been strong headed and would never let men treat her or disrespect who she is but he is getting away with this.. i just don't know what to do (its alot more things he does but just this much is horrible).. it's like she's love sick and is weakened by it.. help.. if anyone knows what i'm talking about.. is or are there any powerful words that can get through to her before he takes her away, anything that can make her relaize this is not healthy for her and this child...

It's awful, because i too have never seen her like this, he even flirts and tries things with her own sister whom i'm very close with. Yes she is financially capable she has more money them him (he pays child support out the yang yang for his other children)

It hurts me so much and i'm heartbroken over seeing her with him and knowing the things he does (we know more then she does) to tell her does no good.. but what is this power and WHY is it happening, what is she afraid of? She'd tell a man to F off in a quick second if he was doing wrong, now she can't even speak.. as far as physcial abuse.. there might possibly be some she is not letting us in on.. i've seen no evidence of it

I have met both sides in something like this. She's "Hopelessly" infatuated with the male and he is the same way. She/He can do no wrong and if they did, the other side ignores it.

The only thing you can do, is wait till either she wises up, or he leaves her...Either way, it'll be an emotional train wreck.

I have a friend like that for 32 years, 24 of which she has been with him
We are still friends and I never give up trying to talk to her, but I have given up hope that my words will ever penetrate!

They have 5 kids together and she has a daughter she had before him, they would of had six together but he MADE her get an abortion when they first started dating (that would of NEVER happened with me. I would of told him to go abort his damn self)

She is BEAUTIFUL, Very SMART, PATIENT, LOVING, LOYAL, damn GOOD mom, THOUGHTFUL, FUNNY, EXCELLENT provider and so much more.
He is a BUM to the 10th power, not attractive at all(not being funny, but he looks like a gorilla), an ALCOHOLIC, CHEATER(don't know how, but I guess there are a lot of women who are attracted to gorilla's ), A HORRIBLE father and I could go on and on!

He has never, ever helped pay rent, ever! He has wrecked every single one of her cars, even a brand new one she only got to drive once. And then he sued her insurance company got approx $17,000 and she didn't see one penny

She has been the sole provider and at times it is a struggle with 6 kids, correction 7 kids(him) and one time his parents sent her a check for $300.00 to put groceries in the house for the kids and he stole it, cashed it and needless to say, they never saw a dime or a dozen of eggs!

He has never hit her, but he has came in pissy DRUNK and got into fights with the kids. Fist fights where he has socked his ONLY daughter square in the face! He has even hit her mom ( I would of killed him)
He has also come home DRUNK(always) beat up and bloody, without her car and not know where he left it!

He has left her stranded at work ALOT, as well as the kids. She has had to be interrupted from work to find a way for them to get home from school or the YMCA!

He has tried to hit on me(flirt) and any of her other friends right in front of her. Actually I am her only friend who stuck around. The others sadly gave up on her. I kind of don't blame them, because it is really PAINFUL to watch!

I could go on forever, but anyway, finally her oldest daughter(not his) said we are getting out of here, getting an apartment together and he will NOT be allowed to come. She told him if he did try to, she would mace him and call the police! Her daughter is VERY strong and she don't play that mess!

So finally last year she made the move and has been away from him for 7 months and he doesn't know where they live! He surprisingly has even been helping her put(a little) food in the house for the kids that are still home(3)! Until recently he has stopped and told her "No, I will not buy food for the house, but I will cook at my house, but it is a package deal, all of you have to come!" " You and the 3 kids or nothing at all!" What a CLOWN!

She didn't fall for it...... until her strength(daughter) went out of town for vacation. And one of her other daughters told me just about a week ago that her mom has been creeping out late night to go to his house  

How do you finally start exhaling, healing, reconnecting with friends and family again and then just voluntarily jump back in a, ditch, pit, swamp, hornets nest, fire,  a freaking burial. That is exactly what it does to her, it takes all the life out of her.
I don't think she has really been able to truly start exhaling because she is worried about the wrong thing! She keeps asking me why has he not helped her pay any bills in all these years, but he can now go and get his own apartment and keep it up! In my mind I said " I guess gorilla season is over, no on is willing to house a gorilla for free  ) I know that is so mean, but I really don't like him at all!

This is her time to breathe and be free! Why would she care bout why, how, who, when, where, I don't understand! I do know this, is she is not a person who is not comfortable with change and I mean any change! From hair style, to clothing, to jobs...

I am from the same school as LhasaLover, women have the power! It is all in how you know how to use it. Our power is just like money, "if you use it foolishly, you will have none!"
Ladies, don't give your power away for free! I give my husband some, but believe me it is not for free, it's the way I give it to him that makes him think he got it for free


Wow I just done told all my friends lil' business, bless my heart

Very sad stories indeed Imagin and Slot.

I have suffered at the hands of a violent, womanising alcoholic in the past and that lasted 5 years.  The violence started 3 weeks after we got married.

I found myself thinking that I can't manage without him, I love him, it will pass, he won't do it again.  In fact, none of these things were true.  I did manage without him, I didn't love him, it didn't pass and he did do it again.  The womanising alcoholic in my life was having an affair 6 months before I eventually left him (he told me this after the divorce).  After the divorce, he married this woman he had been having an affair with.  This lasted 7 years and she just packed her bags and left him one night after work.  I understand that he is now living with a woman who is violent to him.  He also is suffering with cancer.

Only the woman suffering has the power to stop this- they will not listen to you.  They probably don't believe you (but "secretly" they know you are talking sense and it's true).  Burying your head in the sand is a classic move when you don't really want to face the problem head on.  The only way they will get to realise how badly they are being or have been treated is if another man that they find attractive treats them with respect and makes them feel like a human again.

Yes men have a power but when they misuse that power, they lose the power and it takes a really strong person to walk away from what they believe is the truth i.e. that their man loves them and only them.

Truth of the matter is that you are right Slot Junkie - we do have the power and we learn how to use it as we get older, wiser and know where the invisible line is drawn that no man dare cross.

I could go on and on but I won't.  The above is a very brief few thoughts.

blue

What a moving story Blueday.  You carry yourself so well I never dreamed you had been through what you've just described.  Bravo for moving on before you lost hope.   

OMG! I love it, it is so true! Never heard it that way before. Now I got a new one to tease my husband with!
I hope she can get out too! I pray for her all the time!

try being in a same sex relationship..it's 2X the man...2X the miserable attitude ; no woman to moderate it or bring it down a notch