If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? cuz candy's dandy but sex don't rot your teeth

Why do hot dogs come ten to a package and hot dog buns only eight? you need two dogs for the beanie wienies

If you choke a Smurf, what color will he turn? purple

Can you cry underwater? of course you can!

Why is it that when we KNOW the batteries in a remote are dead, we push the buttons harder? cuz our mommas done raised her sum idjuts, duh!

What is the speed of dark? Very very slow, like windows 3.1

If goose plural is geese, then why isn’t moose plural meese? ecause meece makes you think of mice but is spelled like cheese.

If superman was so smart why were his underpants on the outside?  So when he flew over the nudist colony, well....you get the picture...

Why is brassiere singular and panties plural? it's the opposite inverse property- you put two breasts in the brassiere and only one crotch in the panties

Who decided what order to put the alphabet in?  It's random- I think the can the soup is in decides when you open it.

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? Because life just isn't fair.

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? It is if you speak phonecian.

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes what good's the parachute gonna do in the water?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? Tradition. 

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? No, no no...you ARE the silencer.

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?  I imagine I may have, maybe.

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? So the clerk can go pee pee/poo poo.

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? I dunno...ask your wife!

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? The battery goes dead.

You know how most packages say Open here. What is the protocol if the package says, Open somewhere else? Like we read and obey all instructions.

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? so the blind guy in the backseat of the taxi can process his ATM transaction.  Again, duh.

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?  Again, the opposite inverse thingy dingy.

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? When they say the call letters you'll lose count of where you are.