Can I make a confession here?

  I wasn't sure where to let someone know what happened playing Saturday blackjack tournament at Lotus Asia today/tonight, and how terrible I feel. I was in 3rd or 4th earlier with 6000 and I stopped. First place had 10,000. They pay bonus money to top 6 scores. I don't really care to be first or second, just want to get something to play with and hate dealing with playthrough. So I checked on scores a while ago and was pushed down one , so wanting to ensure I'd not be knocked out completely had to play.
  With nothing else to do I felt I had to be competitive or something. So as I neared the 10,000 mark I thought to stop at  9,999. When that didn't work I went beyond and then thought I'd go down to 12,345. The previous top score player was jumping up and down and when I left it looked as if he'd stop at 9,000. I looked awhile even later and don't even see this person in the tournament. I feel so terrible I made him lose. I wish I had stopped at 9,999. I know it is a tournament and that happens all the time. Many times I did that and hate myself.
    If that person reads this by chance I just want him/her to know I am sorry and I won't do it to them again.  I get so mad too struggling to get up, up one down one. But I'm not sure who I am mad at (maybe the dealer)  Anyway, I feel a little better  wish I could make them feel better.

WHY in the world would you feel bad about that?  It's a part of the game!  Everyone wins and loses at different times.  I love it when I'm in close competition with someone else and we're battling it out.  And I've lost it all more than a few times doing that.  We all do.  Nothing to feel guilty about.

To be honest i have often felt bad about things like that. I also give back in correct change in a store. It is called too much conscience. Sometimes i wish i did not have one.

    You are both so right, I think I was just frustrated and mad and didn't want to take it out on him. I have gone in there and played when I was way in the lead and justified it by giving the others a chance to catch up and give more hope. Many times I have ended up nowhere after just competing with myself and for no good reason except for being broke and just needing to play. I like to win but I like to see others win too. This weekend I have another video poker tourney I hope I stay 2nd for $100 cash, But I had twice as high of balance and was 2nd, went way down and came back to same position. Without knowing what 1st had I tried to catch up and later found I didn't have far to go. I had to risk it all, wear myself out to finally wakeup. Keep your fingers crossed I 've seen no action there for 2 days and have 1 more to go.  Lotus Asia I hope to get comps up at least

Helwin - wow what can I say.  You should never feel bad about winning or beating someone who was winning in a competition.  Do you do this in poker?

I agree never feel bad about winning a competition. If it was the other way around. Chances are he would have done the same to you...

Oh, I have to say that I don't even think about it. I always hope to get the best possible result; that's gambling after all, and you put your own money in it.

    I saw that the same person came in first in slot tourny so I don't feel as bad, And after losing the 100 I was in second place in Sundays. What really hurts is what I did to myself in video poker multi deuces wild at Liberty. I should have just taken what ever came next, now I have to start all over. Wonder if I do this on purpose? Wear myself down, try to get so disgusted so I quit. Too bad it doesn't work tho!
      I know how to win, but not how to be a winner

I kinda sorta know what you mean helwin.  Not so much in a tourney situation but if i am sitting next to someone in a Casino and they are having a bad run i feel bad when i win and try to click it off fast. Same thing if a player gets up and moves a seat over and i take that seat and start winning.

But as others have already said in a competition event its each man/woman for themselves!

I can totally relate to all your stories, but when it comes down to it we are all responsible for our own destinies. I have been it the money so many times, and thru sheer boredom or whatever,I have managed to take myself out of any position of winning. After all it isn't call "winner quaranteed", its call gambling.
It is the thrill of the game. Its hard to control your emotions at times, much less trying to control those of others. Take that win or loss! you deserve it,lol.

GL all
imakin1

    Thanks for all your inputs and reminding me that i am not alone. I suppose I am lucky to still be able to have fun even if I lose. I hope never to get as bad as my brother who lives in Lake Tahoe, and I am staying with him and mom, after losing our house in Fresno and my husband dying almost 2 months ago. Brother has won and lost so much money, even though casinos giving him 3500 in free play a month. He's absolutely the worse person you'd want to be around and if a person wanted to quit gambling just sit and watch him.
        Whatever it takes to bring the money home, you gotta do it.

      Thank you  blueday  Never thought I'd miss him this much, but he had a lot going on and so brave. Now I feel so homeless, but would have been so much worse with both of us with bad credit and trying to take care of him. As much as he complained about me always messing up he knows i loved him.

I'm sorry for your loss Helwin. loss is never easy, especially this time of year. Hang in there, better days are coming, I will keep you in my prayers.

gl all
imakin1