Author Topic: adult jokes  (Read 21202 times)

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Offline Pacer

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Re: adult jokes
« Reply #90 on: February 27, 2011, 04:56:27 AM »
The Job Interview--a true story

I was interviewing with a prospective employer about their overnight night audit position at a hotel.  He was explaning the job description, etc and then he asked what would co-workers say I'm known for.  "My jokes" I replied.  "Oh, he said, give me one..."  Alright here goes.  "A man was interviewing for a job and going over the job description..pays 6/hour and after 9 months will pay 9/hour....finally the applicant said "Tell you what sir, I'll leave now and come back in 9 months for the 9/hour rate...haha isn't that funny?"

The prospective employer said "Hmmm, you were doing so well up to this point.  You really didn't need the joke..."

Needless to say I never heard from him again.  
 :o


Offline wnanhee

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Re: adult jokes
« Reply #91 on: February 28, 2011, 03:30:05 PM »
Ugh,Joseph...

That's not a funny but a sad one. :'(
I am sorry that the guy didn't take the joke as it was suppose to be taken, as merely trying to lightening the mood and all.
Sometimes, people really don't know how to digest jokes. :P

Wish you have a better chance in the future. :'X

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Offline Pacer

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Re: adult jokes
« Reply #92 on: March 01, 2011, 10:47:39 AM »
The "Group Hug Guys"--A true story

It was 21 years ago when I just started attending college and moved away from my parents.  Not knowing my way around a new city I struck up a conversation with a local who invited me to his church.  Seemed innocent enough so I went.  Turns out the guy had five male roomates that had a 'tradition'--The Group Hug.  Anytime when one felt down he could always count on his roomies for this particular activity.  At the time he introduced me to his friends they insisted I take part.  "Ok..guys...Group Hug..." the guys would drop everything and run to one another and hug everone with a tight squeeze "Mmmm"...I wasn't sure, but I went along with...ok, that's done, whew.  Five minutes later, another guy was feeling down and needed his hugs.  Reluctantly I gave the fellows another hug.  I asked the guy I struck up the conversation with at first "Do you have a girlfriend?"..."No, he replied, but I'm working on it----Group Hug Guys?"  as they embraced again.  As quickly as I could, I finally managed to get home, exhausted and grateful...

« Last Edit: March 01, 2011, 10:51:33 AM by Joseph Kennedy »

Offline ricorizzo

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Re: adult jokes
« Reply #93 on: March 01, 2011, 12:24:24 PM »
Yup, you need to make a new thread, with your experiences. Cause they don't belong here!
Rico

Offline Pacer

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Re: adult jokes
« Reply #94 on: March 01, 2011, 02:56:40 PM »
Talk to Lips, Rico

Online lipstick_xoxos

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Re: adult jokes
« Reply #95 on: March 01, 2011, 07:12:06 PM »
Butt Measurements

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.

"Yes, I was right; your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"
The woman chose to ignore her husband.

Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky.
He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. ..............

She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?

Offline orren

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Re: adult jokes
« Reply #96 on: March 12, 2011, 10:12:49 AM »
How does a man know when he has reached the age of being a full blown adult and can no longer blame poor decisions on "growing up"?

After he's been seriously hurt by accidentally sitting on his own balls...

Funny to some,
painful to others
and unfortunately true.
"If life didn't suck half the time, we would take the great things for granted...."

                                    -orren

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Offline liquorman

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Re: adult jokes
« Reply #97 on: March 13, 2011, 11:05:41 PM »
A man walks up to the bartender and says, "I bet you $100 dollars that I can stand on your bar and leak into a jar without spilling a drop."
The bartender laughs and tells him that is it such an impossible bet, he'll take it. So the man stands up on the bar, and cheering to his friends in the back, begins to leak.
He not only misses the jar, but doesn't even get a single drop in. He pisses all over the bar and floor and over the bartender. When he is done the bartender is still laughing and asks the man to give him the hundred bucks. The man hands over the money and smiles at the bartender.
The bartender asks him what is so funny when he just obviously lost so badly. The man replies, " I just bet my friends $1000 that I could leak all over you and your bar and not only would you not mind, but you would find it hilariously funny!".

Offline luvkittynumber1

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Re: adult jokes
« Reply #98 on: March 19, 2011, 11:28:11 AM »
What's the difference between Monica Lewinski & a vending machine???

In a vending machine, the BILL goes in FACE UP!
Get in, get out....Nobody gets hurt!!!

Offline luvkittynumber1

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Re: adult jokes
« Reply #99 on: March 27, 2011, 10:56:47 PM »
EEEK! Tough crowd out there.......I guess nobody thought that joke was as funny as I did.

Butt Measurements

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says: "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."

With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.

"Yes, I was right; your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"
The woman chose to ignore her husband.

Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky.
He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. ..............

She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?


LOL Lips! I just noticed that the last joke u posted was the exact same 1 that I posted a few pages ago, but u told it much better than I did.
Get in, get out....Nobody gets hurt!!!

Offline wnanhee

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Re: adult jokes
« Reply #100 on: May 15, 2011, 07:20:47 AM »
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them demands the wife, and so they carry on
shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and
puts it in the basket.

What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'

Online Feelin froggy

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Re: adult jokes
« Reply #101 on: May 15, 2011, 12:14:14 PM »
A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger boobs'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get some toilet tissue and rub it between your boobs for 2 months'. 'How will that help to make them bigger?' asks the girlfriend.
'Well it worked for your a$$' says the boyfriend.

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Online blueday

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Re: adult jokes
« Reply #102 on: May 15, 2011, 03:44:30 PM »
LMAO LOL LOL LOL  Brilliant

Offline wnanhee

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Re: adult jokes
« Reply #103 on: May 15, 2011, 04:25:11 PM »
Hah ha ha...what a smart a$$  LOL

Offline stdmuff

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Re: adult jokes
« Reply #104 on: May 16, 2011, 02:46:29 AM »
what do u see when the pillsbury doughboy bends over? Ans: "Doughnuts!"

 

 
 

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