Make a Wish but With a Twist

Granted, but everyone loves your voice and you cant stand it.
I wish I could get some friggin poker money already yo!

Granted, but then you go all in with a pair of 2's and lose to a pair of 3's

I wish I had a new pair of glasses.

granted but they ake u look like an owl and u hate them
i wish i could work as an exec. and make 6 figures

Granted but you will have to work 14hour days, 7 days a week and get a bleeding gastric ulcer because of it.

I wish I could quit smoking

Granted.  Your heart thanked you. 

I wished I could go into space.

Granted,  but you never make it back to Earth to tell the tell.

I wish it would warm up.

granted but you get to hot and now your sunburned
I wish i was young again

Granted, but you got too young and don't care for wearing a diaper!

I wish I had a swimming pool.

Granted.  The pool cools you nicely during the summers.

I wish for a heavy rain.

granted my dear ut now you wish it would stop
i wish i could go fishing

Granted, but the fish you caught were too small to eat.

I wished I could drink some good wine.

granted bu you had to take me with you and since i dont drink you had to drink alone
I wish it would stop raining

Granted but the farmers complain to you about your wish.

I wish I had a body double

granted but the double took over your life
i wish i could sleep more

Granted, but the neighbors turned off your alarm while you were asleep.

I wish I were able to leap great distances.

granted but u ended up on the moon
i wish i had huge wings

Granted, but they were preowned 

I wished I had the largest rose garden in the world.

Granted, but now your garden is packed with bees.

I wish my car never broke down again.

Granted, but "The big three" dismantles and takes your car parts.

I wish college were free

Granted but you will spend 4 years in college only to never find a job.

I wish I would hit a jackpot.

(say it isn't so Gabby on the jobs) 

Granted, but the casino says it was a glitch and renig on the cashout.

I wished I had a hit record.

granted but it was a one hit wonder
i wish i could eat at a fancy french eatery 

Granted, but the food came from TV dinners

I wished I could travel in the Space Shuttle.

granted but you mad a poor astronaut
I wish i could win really big

Granted, but the IRS pays you a visit.

I wished I had lots of chocolate.

Granted, but you fell into your vat of chocolate and forgot to yell "FIRE!"
So, nobody saved you when you kept screaming, "CHOCOLATE!"

I wish I had a whole new wardrobe

rofl chocolate ) granted but you took them to the cleaners and they messed them up
I wish to see a shooting star

Granted, but the sirens went off and you were swept away by the crowds to the fallout shelters

I wished I had the perfect wide brimmed hat.

granted but you couldnt see where you were going and you fell infront of your neighbors who by the way are still laughing
i wish i was a computer wiz

Granted but you hacked into top secret government files and now you got black ops hunting you down!

I wish my poo smelled like roses....

Granted, but it has thorns when it comes out

I wish coffee whitened my teeth

Granted...but the chemicals from the whitening agent they put in your coffee eventually ate through your teeth and you were left with none!

I wish I were fluent in EVERY language known to man.

granted but your tongue falls out in a freak tongue-twister speed competition so you only get to listen to everyone's problems

I wish I were a cartoon

Granted but your cartoon ends up as toilet paper for a homeless person.

I wish there were fewer hungry cats on my porch.

granted because  there's more less hungry cat-eating dogs

I wish my cat did the dishes while i was out

granted.  your cat licked them all clean and dried them with cat hair.

I wish there were more letters in the alphabet.

granted, but they added the tongue-click and trilled r so it's just too hard to say now

I wish I could grant wishes

granted!  here they are: click click trill bellow humph click-click pfft llllll rrrrlllll #.  Got it?

I wish Calgon would just take me away already.

it did, you're sparkly clean where you won't attract any dirt in the deep reaches of airless space

I wish I were a fish

it did, you're sparkly clean where you won't attract any dirt in the deep reaches of airless space

I wish I were a fish

Granted.  And what a tasty dinner!

I wish wishes were horses so I could ride away

granted..sadly yours all got sold for glue

I wish I had eyes people could swim in

Granted, but the your head exploded when the first person tried!

I wish my house would clean itself.

granted, it fell in the lake

I wish I could sell a top 40 hit

Granted...Your hit sold and topped out at 40 buyers 

I wish I never had to work again.

granted; you win an all-expense stay forever in Antarctica

I wish I hada pizza

Granted.  but it's not a pizza pie, it's a pizza doughnut.

I wish my tv got a better picture.

granted, now it'sa picture of a plumber's crack, clear as day, all day

I wish I had a hammer

Granted...but you drop it one your big toe...and it breaks of course!

I wish I had HBO...been missing my true blood!!!!

Granted.  Just that your HBO is Horrible Body Odor...

I wish I had back all the money I've ever spent.